Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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