you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
