Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
