I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
