sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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