She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
