You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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