dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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