I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
