So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize