i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
