just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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