We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
