dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
