piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize