These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
