you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
