im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize