Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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