I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
