I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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