how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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