were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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