That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were trust falling into bushes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
