how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
