Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
