i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
