absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I supernannyed him into submission
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
