I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
