I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize