I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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