I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
