I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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