haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
