whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have fence marks all over my body
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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