they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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