I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
