I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
