i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
