You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
