I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
