I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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