brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
