listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
