He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
