she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
