I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
