MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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