She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
