we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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