i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
