he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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