I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
