I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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