That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
