You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
