I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize