First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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