so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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