Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
