It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
