dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
