Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
