Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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