just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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