my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
